Reader Buzz
on SWITCH
‘Wow! Loved it … desperately wanted more after racing through the first 130 pages. Fast, thrilling, gripping, scary…When can I read the rest?
— Gavin Hilzbrich
This book is so cinematic . . . due to the punchy dialogue and the succession of crisp, sharp images which drive the narrative forward. I want to read more!
— Sam Eades
This is absolutely brilliant! A very compelling read but I was upset when I got to the last page because I wanted more!
— Jeanette Slinger
I can't stand crime novels that have a long preamble before getting to the action and this one certainly doesn't disappoint in that way. From page one it's straight in there, bish bash bosh and continues on in that vein, so you are frantically turning the pages to find out what happens next.
— Sandra Hawe
The material I read was mad, frantic, super quick and entertaining.
— Martin Higgins
Gripping… Explosive… Page Turning…
And that’s only 140 pages in!!
— Darren Elliot
This was great - I really wanted to read on. Very much made me think of Simon Kernick and Relentless actually - same kind of ordinary guy suddenly finding his life turned upside down when he just comes home from work... Decidedly scary and asks some very dark questions: just how far would you go to save your family?
— Sue Cook
PMS Tracker could save your neuticals
Story & Illustration
By Grant McKenzie
You’ve finally churned up the nerve to ask for that raise, or a new box of paperclips, or a chance to get off the
Whatever your situation, you’re now in control. You’ve calculated the phases of the moon, nothing terribly bad has happened in at least two hours to muck things up, and you know she’s always happier when the cafeteria serves carb-free lasagna for lunch.
You knock on the door and suddenly it hits you. The one thing you haven’t calculated, the one thing no man expects (even though it’s as predictable as a rabid dog), the three worst letters in the alphabet: PMS.
Yep, you’re screwed. You know it as soon as you walk through the door and her look says she wishes your testicles would burst into phosphorous flame and burn you to a cinder simply for deeming to enter her domain.
The same scenario can work in reverse when the unsuspecting boss drops off an aromatic new box of Tetley and a package of chocolate biscuits in the staff lunchroom only to have one of the caffeine worshippers unexpectedly burst into tears.
Well, have no fear, lads! (Actually, that’s bad advice; fear is a good defence mechanism.) A new company has launched a product that it believes every loyal worker and befuddled boss should own; they call it the PMS Tracker.
Located in
So these bruised and battered entrepreneurs decided there should be an early warning system to help men prepare for the monthly flare-up of hormones. The result of that conversation is the helpful and low-tech PMS Tracker available at their online store (www.pmstracker.com) for $12.95 US.
From the moment of that first unexpected scowl, PMS Tracker begins to track a woman’s cycle and offers helpful survival advice. For example, in Manic Phase where tears can flow in under a second for no good reason (known to man, that is), you’re advised to stock up on chocolate and give it up freely. (Important point here is never, ever tease with the chocolate.)
In the Rage Phase, you simply have to admit that no matter what you say, or how clearly detailed your argument may be, you are wrong. Don’t even try to argue, you’re just plain wrong. Accept it.
In the Bloated Phase, she’ll bring up the highly loaded “Fat Question” (Remember, she always looks slim, pretty, sexy, etc., even if she hasn’t showered, has puffy eyes and nose, and has made your life a living hell for days), but all you can really do is attempt to massage her feet, back and ego. (Of course, the bloated phase usually doesn’t apply at work unless you’re sleeping with the boss.)
Once you make it through those three phases, you’ll have a small window of opportunity to ask for that raise, etc., until the pre-PMS rapid mood swings strike again.
Now for those who find all this hormonal talk too girly, you may be more interested in an entrepreneur who has been making a small fortune by having the balls to go forward with an odd idea.
A few years ago, Gregg Miller felt guilty after having to neuter his faithful bloodhound Buck. Not wanting his canine companion to suffer any trauma over the loss of his doghood, Gregg came up with the idea for “neuticles”.
It took two years and a $500,000 US investment to get developed, but Miller’s company, Canine Testicular Implantation Corp., has now sold over 100,000 implants across
The neuticles come in polypropylene, like firm plastic, or in softer silicone. The cost is between $60 and $130 US. This does not include the operation fee.
“It's a male thing,” said Miller. “If I lost mine, I would want them to be replaced with the implants.” Some people just say they want their dog to look natural.
Miller’s business has taken off so much that now he is being asked to provide implants for cats, horses and even bulls in
One man in
So now if you misjudge your boss’s mood, you’ll at least know where you can pick up a replacement set.
Short Stories
An author Q&A,
plus my short Out of Order
appeared in Spinetingler's Summer 08 issue.
My short White Volcano appeared in
Out Of The Gutter 2
My short Ragamuffin Girl appeared in Spinetingler's Summer 07 issue.
My short She Remembers The Future appeared in The Late Late Show's Summer 03 issue.